By Barbara Pettibone
Hey, my name is Barbara.
I’m a SoULL student and a Clinical Social Worker. I’ve worked in the mental health field for much of the past 45 years (yikes). With the onset of the pandemic however, I found myself becoming increasingly isolated, almost reclusive. I had not been seeing clients for some time, preferring to hunker down and pull inward rather than engage with what seemed an increasingly irrational world. Then, I learned about SoULL, this strange school that embraced a body/mind perspective of healing. Curious, I decided to take the plunge because empty pandemic days were taking me nowhere.
I began Pilgrim SoULL in the summer of 2020 and my world opened up dramatically. Not only was I in an online community, but much of that community was from Europe, so here I was studying with an international community in the middle of a pandemic. Wow! To say that I “took” or “completed” Pilgrim SoULL is a misnomer because it was an experience that only began with Unit 1. I realize now that the deep learning, the energy of the group as we worked with one another, testing questions and ideas, role playing power structures, doing individual process work under the eyes of our companions – all of this allowed me to not only survive the pandemic, but also to grow and plant more seeds in the soil of myself that continue to bloom. Experiencing the pandemic with European friends through distance and virtual group meetings reinforced my understanding of how much we share and how connected we are.
With this burgeoning awareness came the realization that maybe I still had something to offer as a therapist. So, probably due to a combination of individual therapy and SoULL, I began working again as an online therapist. This was a miraculous change for me. I felt useful again, and received so much support from my classmates.
Putting what I learned into words isn’t easy. Let me try to explain what it feels like. First, everything in the world is so much more alive than it ever was before. I see movement, breathing, everywhere. Death is no longer something to be dreaded but a part of a cycle that keeps on going. I often feel ready to burst with clients who speak of their fear of death, wanting to tell them, “No! It’s all okay. It never stops.”, but I restrain myself and listen. I try to help them open further to this glorious life in a more subtle way. I use this study in other places in my work with clients: in helping the anxious ones to ground themselves and breathe; those who are depressed to reach into their early wounds and pull out hope; those who are suicidal to see that there are other options to the darkness they feel. I see their body struggles so much more clearly than before, along with my own. I work to ground us all.
Now I’m really looking forward to SoULL Year 2. The first year experience is growing me every single minute – growing Barbara into a more connected and loving being. What I’m most enthused about now is learning to further integrate SoULL into my work with clients, and I hope to focus on this in Year 2.
So may we continue to grow as a school and SoULL as a force in our hearts. I am so blessed to have found you.
Header photo by John Thomas
